Mon, January 13, 2025

A Parent’s Perspective: Finding the Just-Right Educational Setting for My Daughter

By Julie Kandall Director, Columbus Pre-School

I have been an educator far longer than I have been a parent. For the past 25 years, I have worked primarily with children between the ages of two to ten years old and for the past 8 1/2 years I have had the awesome privilege and responsibility of parenting one amazing little girl. Over the years I have sat across from many parents sharing the wonderful things I have observed their children doing and also, at times, needing to share concerns I have regarding an aspect of their child’s development. This is never an easy conversation to have because no matter if a child is six months old, two, six, 11, or 16 years old, our children are “perfect” in our eyes and to be told they may benefit from some type of specialized support can be difficult information for parents to process.

This past school year, as my daughter moved through her second-grade year, I found myself sitting on the other side of the table as she began to struggle academically. My hope is that by sharing my journey of finding the right support and educational placement for my daughter, I can alleviate some of the fear and uncertainty many parents may feel when faced with a challenge that could be impacting the well-being and positive progress of your own children.

Recognizing Need for Change

When I first held my daughter, Marlow, in my arms I immediately knew I would do whatever I could to protect her from pain, suffering, and hardship. Now don’t get me wrong, I knew that as she grew and began walking down this path known as life, there were going to be bumps, twists, and turns along the way. I also knew these obstacles would help build her character and give her the strength to persevere. My job would be to help her navigate her path, lending support and guidance when she encountered obstacles.

When Marlow began second grade, I had concerns regarding her reading and writing skills, both of which were behind where they should have been. However, I was reassured that she was making progress and was a hard worker. I was told time and time again that because she had not had a typical kindergarten year, due to Covid, she might not quite be at grade level. However, as the year progressed, her academic struggles were having an affect on every aspect of her well-being at school. By November I saw an increase in anxiety around all things related to school, saw her self-esteem plummet, and observed her behavior at school change. My once easygoing child began to leave the classroom when she felt overwhelmed or frustrated and refused to come back inside. Her stress level rose, which caused her to become emotionally unpredictable when teachers or peers tried to engage with her. For about a month, it was unusual for a day to go by without receiving an email or phone call from her teachers letting me know she had another “hard day.” I asked about having her evaluated, but was assured it wasn’t necessary yet. Instead, she began receiving reading support three times a week in school and I hired a tutor who met with her once a week outside of school. I didn’t hear from my daughter’s teachers or reading specialist from November to February, although her behavior continued to be a struggle at school.

Then one day in February, I received a call from her teachers informing me that I would be receiving a “promotion in doubt” letter, which meant that due to Marlow being behind in reading, writing, and math, the school was thinking of holding her back. I was shocked, but knew to take matters into my own hands. As an educator, I realized an evaluation was necessary and immediately arranged to have a full neuropsych evaluation conducted privately. What was revealed was that Marlow’s struggles stemmed from being dyslexic, dysgraphic, and having ADHD. I always say to parents information is power and the more information you have regarding your child, the better the choices you can make to best support them. The information I gained from her neuropsych helped me realize that her current educational placement wasn’t adequately meeting her needs, which meant it was time to embark on a journey to find a school setting that would empower her to thrive.

Visiting Potential Schools

Visiting prospective schools was a crucial step in the decision-making process. I made appointments to tour different institutions as well as having Marlow visit the schools, spending time in the classrooms in order to get a feel for what it would be like as a student at one of these schools. I will never forget what she said after spending a half-day at one specialized school. She emerged from the classroom and said, “Mom, can I start going here NOW?” I asked her what it was about the school that she liked so much and she said, “They teach the way my brain thinks.” What do you mean by that? I asked. “When it was writing time, they didn’t just tell me to go and write a story. There were steps that made sense, the room was quiet so I could concentrate, and when I felt confused the teacher was able to explain things so clearly. It was the first time this year I didn’t feel stupid.” Well, that was all I needed to hear. If in three hours she was able to feel so empowered and excited about learning, I knew we were on a better track and that a special education setting for students with language-based learning differences was where Marlow needed to be.

Evaluating Teaching Approaches and School Values

One of the essential factors in selecting the right school for my daughter was understanding the teaching approach used to support dyslexic students. I sought schools that emphasized multi-sensory teaching methods, such as Orton-Gillingham, and structured literacy programs known to effectively address dyslexia. It was crucial to me that all educators at the school were well-trained in these techniques and could tailor instruction to suit my daughter’s learning style. It was also just as important to me to find a school committed to providing an atmosphere where students can thrive socially and emotionally. Factors such as class size, peer interaction opportunities, and the school’s overall culture played a significant role in determining whether it would be the right fit for my daughter.

Making the Transition

After a number of school visits, talks with administrators, parents who currently had children at each of the schools, and many discussions with the people in my support system, I finally made a decision that felt right for my daughter. Marlow is now continuing down a new path. It is important for parents, myself included, to understand that a change in path might feel scary, but sometimes it is exactly what is needed to best support our children. With that said, I encourage anyone reading about my journey to look up the following short essay called “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley. It is a one-page essay written by a parent of a child with special needs.

My very first professor in graduate school passed this out on the first day of class. Since then, for the 13 years I spent as a classroom teacher and still today, I hand this essay out to parents because no matter what, at some point in their lives, all children will face a challenge (i.e., a speech delay, social anxiety, trouble reading, or any other bump in the road), and finding another path or simply taking a detour from the current path will be necessary. “Welcome to Holland” helped me realize Marlow needed to move off the path that was no longer working for her so she could begin traveling a path where she will have, not only me, but teachers and tools to help her discover she is brave, smart, and capable of handling any future bumps, twists, and turns.

The experience of transitioning from educator to parent searching for the right school for my child with dyslexia has been both challenging and enlightening. Through thorough research, visits, and assessment, I am confident I have found an educational institution that not only recognizes my daughter’s unique learning style, but also celebrates her strengths. Parenting is NOT easy and there is no guidebook, and although we are the experts of our own children, my advice is to trust the educators and other experts who know your children and see them in a different context than you do. Remember that knowledge is power and the sooner you learn if there is something more your child might need to reach his/her full potential, the better.

Julie Kandall was a classroom teacher and worked in kindergarten admissions before becoming the director of Columbus Pre-School in 2011. The program opened over 30 years ago and remains on New York’s Upper West Side.

Learn more about special education programs at our 2025 Special Education Virtual Fair January 27-29, 2025. The fair is free and open to the public, so register today!

This article appeared in the 2024 issue of the Parents League Review. Get the current issue of the Review free with a family membership. Or purchase it separately.